


BBC

by Jokess



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aromantic Jake English, Asexual John Egbert, Harlischkerbert is the mashup of surnames I use, Other, Trans Female Jade Harley, Trans Female Jane Crocker, Trans John Egbert, genderfluid john egbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24820960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jokess/pseuds/Jokess
Summary: John should never ask his cousins if they want some BBC
Relationships: Jane Crocker & John Egbert & Jake English & Jade Harley
Kudos: 5
Collections: Homestuck Polyswap 2020 - Prospit





	BBC

EB: harlishckerberts, assemble!  
EB: no, don’t type anything! i can see those dots cuzs, cut it out.  
EB: much better!  
EB: now, to get straight to the point before you all try to interrupt me again :/  
EB: who wants some bbc?  
GG: There are left over snickerdoodles in the fridge, from when Dave visited.  
EB: ooooooookay? I guess i know what i’m having for dessert, then. anyone else?  
GG: ill have a few thanks.  
GG: snickerdoodles that is, ive got plenty of big black cocks to keep me occupied already, thanks.  
GT: Jade!  
GT: You cant just come out and say things like that all willy nilly! Youll give them ideas.  
GG: okay boomer.  
GG: Okay boomer.  
EB: okay grandpa  
EB: okay boomer.  
EB: first of all, i already knew what bbc meant. so _ew_ , gross, i didnt mean it like that! and i don’t want to hear about anyones dick, no matter the color.  
EB: bbc stands for bed, breakfast and camping btw, obviously.  
GT: Camping you say?  
GG: Breakfast you say?  
GG: bed you say?  
GG: Also, did you just use italics? I didn’t know this app had this feature.  
EB: yes.  
EB: it doesn’t. i'm just that much more awesome than you all are, get on my level.  
EB: oh wait, you cant, it's much too high.  
EB: wait.  
EB: what exactly do janes snickerdoodles, and what you all thought bbc stood for, have in common?  
GG: im going to tell them.  
GT: Dont tell him!  
EB: both are good, yeah. him, them, someone just tell me what-  
EB: oh gross!  
EB: dave is banned from baking forever! those poor cookies. Jane.  
GG: Dave is banned from baking forever.  
EB: thank you jane, i knew you would have some sense at least.  
EB: so how about it? bbc for everyone bright and early tomorrow?  
GG: Of course! I’m in, I can’t pass up a chance for someone else to make breakfast for a change. I vote Jake.  
GG: Don’t you dare say a word of protest, mister!  
GG: I'm in on that little secret too, you know. I know you can cook and why, so don’t test me. I will tell all.  
GG: i cant believe you guys have secrets from me! from all of us! :c  
GG: i thought i was the only one left after john came out as genderfluid and asexual. wow, you guys are in trouble now. oh, and im down for some b & b & c, count me in.  
GT: Permission to speak?  
GG: So long as it isn’t a protest.  
GG: I’m watching you.  
GT: I promise to do no such thing, im a gent of my word. And im also in for some camping shenanigans. This will be between the family only, yes?  
EB: harlishckerberts only, everyone else is banned for crimes i know they’re going to commit. you guys all get the pass for being family. see you tomorrow at dawn! 

The crack of dawn came and went. With it, the hustle and bustle of four people making a last-second trip to a nearby campsite. It was nothing fancy, just a tourist hot spot nestled deep in the forests of Seattle, but they didn’t need fancy. Just a humongous, hodgepodge of a tent which had been stitched together from several smaller tents. It looked more like something which belonged in a circus than something to camp with, with the clashing colors and convoluted pole system, but it did its job: Comfortably host four grown adults.  


Jake had just finished pulling the last pole into position while John and Jane finished staking it into the ground when Jade bounded over. Dripping wet and in nothing but her undies, it was apparent she’d found a private part of the lake they could enjoy nude, without the threat of being discovered. Jade had gathered a small basket of various berries and mushrooms, all of which were safe to eat. Well, besides for the fact she wasn’t supposed to be picking them, but not one had caught her, so she was safe.

“Mission accomplished, I found the perfect spot. Now come on, let’s go! The sun isn’t going to stay up forever.” She was almost bouncing on the spot even as she put the basket down and rushed Jake. He was the most comfortable with nudity, besides for her, even if he blushed brighter than anything anytime someone else undressed. She wasn’t sure if Jake did so because he made himself believe he should be embarrassed, or if he really was, but it didn’t matter either way, because she’d already gotten his shirt off.

“I think I can manage by myself from here, Jade. Why don’t you avail your services to someone else?”  
“Not it,” Jane and John cried in unison.  
“Jynx.”  
“Double jynx.”  
“You owe me a soda.”

All that in unison too, Jade had to wonder how it was they could be the oldest. Sure, only by a couple of months, but every minute counted when her cousins were more like close siblings. So if they didn’t fight like that...well, what was even the point? They might as well live separately then, and be lonely for no good reason. Sure, they all got in one another’s space and on another’s nerves, but most of the time, they were more a happy tangle of cuddling and limbs.

“I’ll get you both sodas if you’ll just get in your undies already. How is that for help?” Jade didn’t wait for a reply before retreating behind the tent to grab them a couple drinks. She grabbed snacks while she was there, they were going to be at the lakeside for a while, and it was quite the hike. So, maybe they shouldn’t be in their underwear yet, but oh well. They had gotten a secluded plot, and the trek over was private. At worst, they might flash a couple of dogs.

“Hurry up, Jade, we’re waiting on you,” called Jane. The nerve! Like she hadn’t been waiting on them all this time. Someone was getting a noogie later.

“Well, that’s the last time I do anything nice for you guys. I was getting snacks.”  
“You’ve done something nice before this?”

Rude! How rude! She would have smacked John for being so cheeky, but her arms were full, so she glared at him instead.

John just shot her an all too innocent grin and darted off to the lake. He didn’t know where it was exactly, but he’d seen the direction Jade had come from, and that was good enough for him. 

That was good enough for Jane and Jake as well, they were hot on his heels with Jade, who already knew the way, not far behind.

The hike turned out to be more of a race. Jake won with ease, trapezing over rocks, loose gravel, and tree roots with an effortless grace that contrasted his usual bumbling nature. He was no stranger to the outdoors though. And, all right, maybe he’d learned a thing or two about grace recently, but he still was mostly a fool of the head, not the feet. Perhaps the heart too, though he was more inclined to believe he was just hopeless in that matter. Romance seemed to come so naturally to everyone, but he wasn’t sure he understood it’s place. He was sure it was all well and good, but just as John said, ‘no thank you.’ to sex, he said, ’no thank you,’ to romance. He didn’t mind cuddling with his cousins, though. It wasn’t like that was romantic or anything.

He decided this for the thousandth time, at least, as Jane pulled him into a lung crushing, bone bruising bear hug of victory. And maybe because she wanted to bruise his lungs, he had given her a pretty good shove on the way down to the lake. He’d gotten excited, and she’d shoved him first. There were no hard feelings he was sure, Jane was just getting her due.

As if on cue, she punched him in the shoulder.

“That’s for shoving me just so you could win.”  
“And the bear hug?” Jade asked. She knew what Jane was going to say, she’d invented this bit.

“That was for winning the race.”  
“Nerd.”  
“Takes one to know one John.” She stuck her nose at him. “Anyway, the last one in is a rotten Egbert!”

The race into the lake was a photo finish of elbowing arms and laughing family.

“I still say I won! My toes touched the water first.”  
“And I’m saying you’re full of it Jade, it was my hand in the water first.”  
“No way, you won last time. You didn’t win a second time too. And besides, you’re both wrong, it was my body that was in the water first. I dunked my head first, that’s how it counts.

“So everyone agrees that John is the big loser, right?” Jane asked, an almost wicked glee radiating off her in waves.

“Traitor! I was going to let you say you came in second too. Well, not anymore.”

“Well, duh, I won the race into the lake, of course, I didn’t come in second.”

“Yeah, right, what makes you think you won?”

“Simple John, I was the last one to try to claim that I won. That means I’m confident that I did, unlike you three.”

Somehow, no one could argue that. Maybe it was because they were all dripping wet and tired, having exhausted themselves swimming, playing chicken, and having splash fights in the water. Or maybe Jane was right. Whatever kept her cousin’s mouth shut, she was happy with it.

She was happy with her place in the pile too. Her head on John’s broad chest and her legs over Jake’s lap, she felt a little like a princess, or maybe a queen, sitting upon her favorite throne. Sure, it was a bit wet and kind of annoying sometimes, since neither of her boys would stop wiggling, but it was still good. Maybe because Jade was sprawled on top of them all like a warm blanket. She was the only one who’d thought to bring a towel, so she was relatively dry and warm.

Yeah, that was it for sure.  
She had her family here, and she was at its center. How could she not be happy? They loved her even when she didn’t love herself all that much. She was working on that, loving her soft body and beautiful curves. They were easy to love and so much better than the plain body she’d been stuck in for years. Slim and square, she’d looked more like a tiny version of John than Jane. Heck, she hadn’t even known who Jane was, not really.

Now she did. And now, Jade didn’t have to be so lonely. None of them did. They were all winners. She was still the grand winner though, Jake could take his victory hike and shove it!

**Author's Note:**

> Alternatively, John should always ask his cousins if they want some Bed, Breakfast and Camping


End file.
